I haven’t blogged in a while and for that I’m kind of sorry but kind of alright with it. To tell you the truth I haven’t been doing a lot of things I usually do. I shouldn’t admit this but a part of my not doing things is because of the new attention. See, when I first started blogging it was on Myspace. At that time I was ONLY doing open-mics and the only people that read anything I said were friends. Since then quite a few more people have tuned in and while I’m grateful for the interest at the same time I’m not used to people taking my words and assigning their emotions and inflection to the things I type and assuming they know more about me than they do. It started happening with radio interview and even the couple of morning TV shows that I’d do, it even spread to new personal relationships. I’d walk into a situation and whatever stranger I’d be meeting would be like, “So, I understand you’re upset about…” And I’d feel like, that’s from my blog and I wrote that entry weeks ago, I’m pretty well over that situation. Some would argue that that’s been happening from the beginning and maybe to a degree it has but I think a lot of the people that actually “follow” me know that really I’m not mad about anything. The average stranger taking a combative stance to anything I say in my blog or as a facebook post doesn’t get that I use social media to vent but the reality of where I’m at in my life is that I’m very grateful. I’m grateful to have the respect of a lot of people that inspired me when I was coming up, I’m grateful to work as much as I do, I’m grateful for the newer comics that tell me that I’ve inspired them, I’m grateful to have “fans” that like what I do and post pics of me hanging out with them, I’m grateful to have a family that loves me and makes sure I know that anytime I want to be with them there is always a room and a bed waiting for me. I’m so incredibly grateful for everything in my life right now even though things are not perfect and they’ll never be perfect I still remain grateful.  Anyway, I don’t know what I’m complaining about right now. If you think about it I’m just being a whiny bitch about the fact that people actually pay attention to the stuff I say which is the whole point of writing a blog. Never mind, don’t listen to me. I love you all. I think what I’m really getting at is I’m going back to being the regular me and going to stop hiding which in a sense is what I’ve been doing. Talk to you all soon

To start with a few people have asked me about shoes lately and why I seem to have stopped posting pics of my latest kicks?

(like that rhyme? No? Okay, cool).

Answers to this is simple, at a point I bought a BUNCH of shoes and then got bored. It seems like a lot of brands I leaned towards were just making the same shoes over and over and only updating them in the very slightest so why bother. I don’t need to keep buying different versions of the same shoes to make myself feel better about life since life is already pretty good. The other reason would be that I’m beginning to really scale back on clothing and shoe purchases because it was becoming a bit of a compulsion. A couple of months back I gave away 4 pairs of shoes and I don’t know how many t-shirts to friends because I didn’t have room for them. I decided to clean my room and I found several shirts that still had the tags on them and some, that to be honest, I didn’t even remember buying. I’m NOT trying to live a “baller” lifestyle and I don’t think my parents would be very proud of me if I did so I decided to fix that right then and there. I’m overall trying to take a more simplistic approach to life so that I can actually BE successful and not just appear to be successful to the outside world. Besides, being on the show Hoarders isn’t the kind of TV credit that’s going to help me out in my career.

The other question I get a lot is, what’s going on with the working out?

I’ve still been going to the gym as much as ever, even more so while I was in Japan since the military has the best gyms with the newest equipment and you get bored on the base sometimes. I realize that not posting half naked pics of myself on Facebook/Twitter makes people think that I must’ve gotten fat…but, no. The reason I haven’t been posting pics of me half naked at clubs is also simple, when you’re not drinking you don’t go to clubs as much and when you do go to clubs and stay sober you tend to leave your clothes on. Rest assured that after January when I’m back to drinking I will be as in shape and naked as ever…maybe more so

Last question I get a lot would be, How is the sobriety going?

I have a couple of days left until I hit the 4 month mark and it’s fine. I miss drinking with my friends but mentally things are very clear and I think that some of the good changes mentioned above have come out of my sobriety. I enjoy drinking but don’t feel that it’s something I absolutely can’t live without so it’s not killing me. By the same token, I also enjoy Thai-ing one on every once in a 7 day period so I’ll be back as soon as we pass my birthday which is the goal I had set for myself as well as the six month mark. I realize that the world is, by some, predicted to end 12/12/2012 but am willing to take that chance. I hardly feel that if that does happen I’ll be worried about the fact that I didn’t get to drink in our last days. However if that DOES turn out to be the case I’m sure I can slam a few shots before whatever hits hits. I can’t help but think that if the world DOES end there will be some looting and if I know me I’ll be somewhere close to a liquor store and be able to pick up a bottle there. This will lead to my favorite kind of drinking which is FREE drinking and I will die a happy man. I don’t think this will reflect badly on me during judgment day since if the world really does end on that day the pearly gates will be backed up by LA traffic and I’ll have plenty of time to come up with a defense. Even if they go alphabetical and by my given name there will still be at least a billion people in front of me so I think I’ll be in good shape. Anyway thanks for your questions and let me know in the comments below of any more questions you all might have

Lately the annoying thing in my life is people trying to act like I’m supposed to make their events priority. When it comes down to it I don’t really care too much about most of the days that are important to most people. I don’t care if I miss your birthday, if you plan to be my friend for life I’ll end up catching one eventually so don’t try to guilt trip me. Weddings, how many of those last anyway? Besides I don’t want to have to wear some shit that’s out of my regular style and buy you some stupid home appliance just because you decide to make a mistake. In other words fuck off with your stupid weddings. Missing your Thanksgiving dinner, how fucking needy are you? I’m missing Thanksgiving with MY ACTUAL family but somehow you’re supposed to be the one I care about? Really makes no sense to me. People can feel like I’m an asshole for all of this but here’s the deal, I don’t expect more from people than I myself am willing to give. I don’t even remember what I did for my birthday last year. I was performing somewhere and probably did a birthday show but can’t really remember where. Oh yeah, that’s right, I was in Phoenix doing a taping at Stand Up Scottsdale. I always combine work with things because I’m always working. If people can make it to my events I’m appreciative and thankful but if they can’t I’m not gonna try to make them feel bad about it. I know you all have lives and families of your own as well as bills that need to get paid or maybe you even just NEED some alone time. Whatever the case I don’t feel like your not making it means I don’t matter. When I’ve made it I’ll slow down and attend every dreary event I’m invited to but until that happens I will continue to miss things. When I really get down to it, I do wish I was at some of these events and I do wish my friends well with whatever is going on their lives I just can’t get behind people trying to make me feel bad about not being able to make it to things because I am working. If you’re a friend of mine and you’ve tried to make me feel bad about these things, ask yourself this, when it’s the middle of the day on a weekday and I’m bored and really want a friend to hang out with, where are you? What’s that? Working? Oh yeah, that’s right. And if I were to hit you up you’d think I was crazy. Now take it a step further, imagine I tried to guilt trip you about being at work and told you that you should really come hang out with me and that I didn’t think you cared about me how would you feel? You would probably think I was being irrational, right? Cool, I think you see my point. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and take care :-*

Alright so what I was really trying to get at was while this supposedly unspeakable act was happening she asked me if I was dating anyone. I told her no and that I really have no plans of dating anyone. Next question was, “Ever?” to which I answered “Maybe not.” So the next question after that was, “So you just plan to end up being that old guy enjoying the single life?” LOL!!!! But the answer I gave was “Maybe, but I hadn’t thought of it that way.” The only reason I’m even blogging about this is because people make it sound like you’re a depressing person or you should be looking for more if you don’t want a relationship. I feel the opposite way, I don’t want a relationship right now and I think the sad thing would be letting other people talk me into feeling like I should. See, since I’ve been single and sober I’ve had a lot of time to really think about things and this is the conclusion that I’ve come to. I was always raised to believe that one day I would grow up and get married and that would be my life, I was also raised to believe I would have a “regular job”. Well guess what? I ended up not really having to grow up, it’s not legal for me to get married and I don’t have a “regular job”.  I’ve tried being in relationships and they really don’t bring out the best in me. You wanna know when I’m at my best, when I can do whatever the fuck I want and don’t have to think about anything else. One day, hopefully in the semi-near future, I will have a baby and I will hire a nanny to take care of said baby when I have to be on stage I will be a hands on parent and that is the only person I will dedicate my life to. Then people ask questions like, don’t you want somebody to love you and take care of you? That’s what my parents are for, and my nephews and nieces and my sister and my friends and some of  you guys. I’m not looking for anybody to “take care” of me and when it comes to love I have that in abundance.

Anyway, it’s a bit ironic that I’m blogging about this as I prepare to do “8″ the play in Sacramento which is all about gay marriage and Prop 8. I understand some people really want to get married and that doesn’t bother me in the least. I don’t feel like marriage is outdated and nobody should do it. I have friends that are in very healthy and happy marriages, with kids and houses and the whole bit and I’m VERY happy for them. Sometimes when I’m with them and their families I’m even a little bit “tear in the eye” happy for them. I’m going to a friend’s wedding at the end of this month and I’m happy for him as well. But it’s just not for me. I don’t know what the future will bring and I’m not saying I’m completely closed to anything. I’ve felt this way before and then I met somebody that I ended up being in a relationship with for a year and I wasn’t miserable the WHOLE time…sure, a lot of it…but not the WHOLE time. LOL!!!! The fact is I love my life, I loved it when I was with people and I love it when I’m by myself. I just happen to love it a little more when I’m by myself. If you love me or consider me a friend please stop making it seem like I should want something I don’t want. Don’t try to look any further into my future than I myself want to look into it. What I’m getting at is, mind your fuckin’ business. Maybe one day I’ll end up a crazy cat lady…psyche!!!! No worries of that, I HATE cats!!! Alright well, I gotta go, so if you’re single or partnered I hope you’re enjoying it and have a good day

So anyway, I was performing in the 10pm show at the Hollywood Improv on Thursday night. I was going up last, commonly referred to as headlining, but it was really great line up so I’ll stick with “going last”.  It was pretty full room and they were pretty hot but maybe starting to get a little tired. I go on stage and start my set, I was told I was doing well and guess kinda’ knew I was doing really but inside my head I was a jumbled because I was starting with stuff I don’t usually start with and it was VERY EDGY and I was going to work in some brand new stuff and also doing some in the moment stuff that was pretty hardcore and whatever, we were off to a better than average start. I wasn’t really tripping but was halfway planned and halfway winging it, yeah that’s a good way to put it. Anyway, I get somewhere close to the 10 minute mark and do a joke about black people, granted the joke is a little “edgy” but 99% of the time gets a big reaction and it has a point (part of the new stuff I was gonna work on) which I was what I was on my way to when a black man yells something out while people are laughing. So, I knew something had come out his mouth but I couldn’t make it out and was ready to dismiss it as just random audience noise. It was at this point that I notice everybody seem to get uncomfortable and the attention seems to be focused on him. I figured he must’ve said something derogatory because the look I saw on the faces of some of the people around him would be one I would describe as shock mixed with judgement. So I say, “What was that?”, he says, “I said you’re a fag” which what I heard was “you’re fab”, old school phrasing but nonetheless a compliment, people around again look shocked so I say, “wait, one more time, what was that” and he says again “you’re a fag”. I will admit that at that time I was a bit dumbfounded for a couple of reasons which I will explain, 1) I had been talking about being a fag and using the word fag quite a bit in the 10 minutes leading up to it. So I really didn’t know what his point was or what he thought he was pointing out. 2) When I say the the word fag doesn’t offend me I REALLY DO MEAN THAT I am a fag and have been a fag my entire adult life, I came out when I was 17. Me and all my friends call each other fags. I don’t consider a straight friend a real friend until they get mad enough to call me a fag because I feel like that’s when start “getting real”. LOL!!! I’m not at all putting on a tough exterior like, “oh words don’t hurt me” I just really don’t at all think of the word fag as a negative thing. I am proud to be a fag, I love hanging out with fags, I date fags, some of my best friends are fag hags. I think you see my point on this so onto #3. 3) Everywhere I go people are nice to me. I’ve performed in some of the roughest neighborhoods and redneckiest spots you can think of and no one has called me that in a negative way (during a show, real life…on occasion) and now here I am in LA and West Hollywood of all places getting called a fag by an audience member. So with literally all of these thoughts going through my head in the span of about 30 seconds to a minute, I’m getting ready to really react when I see Improv management coming over to remove the guy, they were THAT QUICK! I politely let them know that if it’s possible they can let him stay. I don’t mind him being there and I don’t need him to be removed so unless they feel they HAVE TO remove him to let him stay. They let him stay and I look at the rest of the audience and am like, “He’s the one that has to sit there feeling like an asshole” I also remind the man himself that he’s in a fucking comedy club so I don’t know what the fuck he expected to see “People do jokes in a fucking comedy club” and some other in the moment stuff that I don’t remember and the audience erupts.

Which all along as all this was happening I knew that the entire audience had my back, the comics watching the show have my back and the entire Improv staff has my back. It took me a second to get back to jokes at which point I went straight into a joke with a Martin Luther King reference and all is right with the world again. I was scheduled to do 12 minutes but because of having to deal with that weirdness the management was cool enough to give me extra time so I could give the audience a proper end to my set.  At some point during my set the guy left the showroom, feeling defeated I’m sure, and I’d say we ALL made a pretty great and speedy recovery. Afterwards, audience, comics and staff all let me know how well they thought I had handled it and thanked me for doing it that way.

Here’s the deal, I know that if people aren’t paying attention, or don’t understand irony, or don’t pay attention to subtext or if I even accidentally phrase something the wrong way I will sound like I’m being racist. It’s one of the “risks” of having a style like mine. Because of this I will put up with a bit more from an audience, I don’t mind people chiming in and even feel like my in the moment reactions and crowd work are a part of the “art” of what I do. Anybody can write some good jokes and recite them like they’re reading from a script I want what I do to be more alive than that so I somewhat welcome the unexpected. I don’t ask for it and can DEFINITELY do me without it but when it knocks on the door I don’t mind answering. While appreciate the management reacting as swiftly as they did, and being so protective, I feel like that’s a LAST RESORT. I don’t in any way feel that the security at any venue I perform in is there to serve as the skirt I hide behind when shit gets real. Yeah if he were to try to run at the stage, or throw something or become a chronic distraction then I certainly would be all for his removal but he merely stated the obvious and in a way reiterated my own words.

I’m an optimist and I love my life and I know how great people not only in LA or California but this country are so instead of coming away feeling like I had been in some way victimized and remembering the one guy calling me a fag, I remember it as an ENTIRE room full of people having my back and the only way to thank those people would be to go on and give them an ending to my set they would want to see so that’s what I did. Thanks for reading and hope this made sense. Questions, comments, concerns, post them. Hope you all have a fagulous weekend ;-D

If you’ve been following along on social media you more than likely know that I finally made it onto the marquee at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. This was a pretty big deal for me because the Laugh Factory was the first open mic I went to when I originally came to LA to check things out. Jamie Masada (owner of the Laugh Factory) has been one of the most supportive people along my journey but never particularly easy on me. I showcased for close to two years before I became a regular. Each time I would go back for a showcase Jamie would tell me what I should be doing differently and what he would like to see from me the next time I came in. I won’t lie to you when I say it was somewhat frustrating but always took what he said and made it my goal to knock it out the next time he saw me. Since becoming a regular the Laugh Factory has been very nice to me and definitely given me enough spots but our relationship is very honest.  I know there is a level of professionalism they expect from me and feel I really must be doing things right for them to put my name up. Some people mentioned that my name is at the bottom but to be honest I don’t really mind that. For right now that’s where it should be and I’m just happy they put me up there. It’s kind of funny because just last week I was wondering when I would end up on it and then didn’t even know it had gone up until a friend of mine by the name of Jamar Neighbors sent me text message. I was in Salt Lake and couldn’t wait to get back to LA to see it. I drove straight there to take pics before I even came home. I know this all probably sounds a bit nerdy and for a lot of comics being on the marquee is old hat but for me it was still a big deal and I kinda’ geeked out over it

As far as Salt Lake goes I will post the log of those two days and go into detail about it tomorrow but this was what was on my mind tonight. Hope you all have a great Monday and take care everybody

Calling me by a name other than Thai

EXTREMELY annoying because it’s usually someone trying to ACT like they know something that nobody else knows. I’m not talking about family members calling me any one of the million nicknames that I was called when I was a kid. It’s these assholes that try to call me by my birth name that get on my nerves. Maybe you saw my ID at some point or maybe you went to school with me and it stuck out in your head. Whatever the case, no matter when you met me in my life, I didn’t introduce myself that way. I never have and never would. Truth be told, not even my Mother calls me by that name. Most of you don’t even  pronounce it correctly and have no connection with me and that name so please stop yourself. I do jokes about changing my name so it’s not a secret so no you don’t know shit about me just because  you happen to know my legal name. The only people that call me that name and I don’t mind are my friend Martin who owns the Bliss Cafe in Hollywood and with him I think it’s more his way of letting me know he accepts me as Mexican even though I look Asian and since he’s a real Mexican from Mexico he pronounces it properly so I don’t mind. His other name for me is puto and I don’t mind when he calls me that either The other person that calls me by my real name is Russell Peters and that’s because he’s a ball buster and I think he’s so funny in that obnoxious older brother way that he could pretty much get away with calling me anything. So whatever. What I’m getting at is it’s not really about a name it’s about people trying to pretend they know me better than everyone else because of the name they call me. Does this make sense?

Correcting My Bio

My oldest sister was the most recent case of this. I was doing an event in Casa Grande, Arizona which is where I was raised. The promoter of the event put up a Facebook post saying that I was born in Casa Grande. My oldest sister felt the need to insert herself and let them know that I was actually born in Phoenix. VERY FUCKING ANNOYING!!!! I consider Casa Grande my hometown, even though I kinda’ hate it there, because I was raised there from the time I was 4 until I was 16/17. After that I moved back to Phoenix and quit school so all of my childhood memories took place there. I don’t remember much at all from ages 1-4 except for a couple of VERY traumatic things so if you’re from Arizona or have knowledge of Arizona and ask where I’m from I say Casa Grande. If you’re from anywhere else and you ask I’ll say Phoenix because you probably ain’t never heard of Casa Grande. In any event I’m not trying to get over on anybody and I hardly think anyone would consider this a “birther” scandal. Either way, this is my sister and while I’ll always have to love her I have proven time and again I don’t have to always like, or talk to, her. I just know when I’m famous she’ll be the one selling stories to tabloids about what I was like as a kid. Anyway, whatever with her.

You Knew Me Years Back

Good for you but it means nothing. Most people that knew me five years ago don’t really know what the fucks going on with me now. So how could people that knew me 10 OR MORE years ago be such experts?  I don’t know or care, or pretend to know, what’s going on with them. So much changes for me from one day to the next that any knowledge you have of me quickly becomes outdated. I was reading a journal of mine last night and even I was like, wow, I don’t give a fuck about any of this stuff anymore. I know I wrote it all and could quickly remember where I was at that time in my life but don’t so much relate to the guy that wrote that. The only reason I know me is because I’ve been with me this whole time. So…no….I don’t care what you think you know or what part of my life you spent with me or if I even dated you, you probably don’t know me. The exceptions to this would be my little Juanny Bo (Ex-wife) my best friend Jamel and his wife Miss Thomasina Davis AKA Thomas Davis other than that you hoes still stuck in the same clothes living in Phoenix pushing an everyday life don’t know shit about me.

In Summation

All of these people are blowing their wads. You could all hold onto these stories for a little longer and sell them when I’m famous. Instead you dumb cunts are scooping yourselves and taking the heat off your own headlines. Please stop playing yourselves. You’re demonstrating the exact reason I left you all behind. I knew you would never be worth keeping around because the rate at which you evolve wasn’t going to work with the pace at which I move. Don’t worry when I’m famous you can even get them to take a picture of you in front of that trailer you’re so proud of and they’ll include that with the story you tell which if it’s anything like the shit I hear about myself now will only be half truth anyway. Maybe I’ll even see your story in a magazine when I’m getting my hair done, or at the doctor’s office or on the shitter. See, wouldn’t that be better than just putting it in my facebook comments and getting blocked? You can tell people about what trash I was and that I drank to much and whatever the fuck else you want to tell them. By then I’ll be happy to hear the stories because when you get famous everyone is super nice to you and you have nothing to bitch about so I’ll need those old memories for new material. Anyway, in the mean time, buy yourselves a new shirt and stop living in the past. I know it’s the only place you get to see me but at some point you have to join us all in 2012. It’s fun here, there’s a new iPhone and all kinds of cool shit.

Alright well hope you guys found this at least somewhat entertaining. Let me know

Here’s the deal, I have a friend named Joshua and he suffers from Asperger Syndrome I’m not going to lie and make it seem like we are best friends because we aren’t, I don’t even have a lot of experience with people that suffer from it. I just know that this kid is a ray of sunshine and he, like everyone else, just wants to be liked. He’s told me a bit about what it’s like for him and to tell you the truth I give him credit for even leaving the house everyday. Like tonight when he was trying to explain his side of the story to me he said “I love people, even though they terrify, me I still love people”. How can you not love someone that would say something so honest. My other friend is a beautiful, funny and talented young girl that really has a lot going for her.

Anyway, a couple weeks back we were all at the same open mic. My friend Joshua, does this bit where he exposes his stomach, he is a bit heavy which is a part of the joke. My pretty female friend starts saying he’s disgusting, I was sitting with her at the time and thought she was saying it jokingly so I laughed. But then she just kept going on about how disgusting he is and I started to get uncomfortable, which is saying a lot. He gets flustered and leaves the stage. Eager to make sure he didn’t offend her he walks up to her and apologizes to her and puts his hand out for a handshake. She refuses and gives him a look of disgust, needless to say I was turned off by her behavior. I end up seeing him outside when I was leaving and he asks me if I thought he was out of line. I let him know that he should “do him” and not worry about these fucking people. People are going to be mean sometimes and you can’t change every time somebody doesn’t like what you do. He gives me a hug and I leave still feeling uncomfortable with the way my other friend treated him.

Cut to tonight, I end up seeing my female friend one of the first open mics I did. If you don’t know, I have a memory like an etch a sketch so I completely forgot about the last time I saw her. She wants help getting in at a club I have a decent relationship so I send one of the managers a text (not saying it’ll do anything but in our business every bit helps). I get a response and tell her to hit the manager up. Keep in mind I’m being very cool because I don’t usually vouch for people in clubs (so enough patting myself on the back). I go through my night and end up hitting 6 more open mics (more patting myself on the back, get over it). So when I get to the last one (number 7) Joshua just got off stage and the host is complimenting him about working through his anger and getting to the funny. Let’s also keep in mind, I’m pretty self-absorbed so I don’t pay much attention to any of this and had it not been amplified by a microphone I would’ve heard none of it. I am close to last at this open mic, I go up and pretty well rock this audience of MAYBE 10 (okay, we can all admit I’m pretty amazing now). So anyway, at the end of the night Joshua comes up to talk to me and say goodnight. I ask what the host was talking about and he tells me what happened. Apparently my “girl friend” had been there earlier in the evening and started picking on him for something that he had nothing to do with. She starts going on at him about how disgusting he was so he got angry and told her to fuck off repeatedly and in a loud voice. At this point I feel like that’s what she gets and if she’s not careful I’ll cut her off all together. I know I’m a bit rough in the way I talk, and deal, with people sometimes but those people are full on assholes completely capable of defending themselves. I don’t AT ALL believe in or condone picking on people for no reason especially when their life is already rough enough. I don’t like to see people get bullied and if you’re the type of person that does it I have no room for you. In my younger years I’ve been on both sides of it. Growing up I was small and by Arizona standards effeminate, people would pick on me, then when I got into Jr High I somehow became pretty popular and didn’t know how to handle it. Having been on the outside for so long maybe I wanted to see what it felt like to make other people feel what I had felt or whatever the reason, simply put, I was an asshole. I felt like shit when I was doing it but didn’t let that stop me and continued to do until I realized it “wasn’t me” and stopped. But all this was when I was a kid, now I’m a grown man and no matter how young you we’re all adults. You’re old enough to know better. Not only will I lose respect for people that do it I will completely disassociate with you. Sorry if it seems like I’m soap boxing but in case you can’t tell this shit really bothered me and I needed something to blog about.

Anyway, I know that both parties might be reading this and to Joshua I will say, KEEP DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING. Like I told you that night outside of Rock Paper, people are assholes sometimes, fuck ‘em. Everybody on the scene likes you and has good things to say about you with the exception of one person and I think she’s just confused.

To my unnamed friend the only reason I haven’t mentioned your name is to avoid slamming you publicly when you have no say. What I will tell you is that you are blessed in many ways, be grateful. Don’t be unnecessarily mean to people you consider to be weak or beneath you. As the kids say, “it’s not a good look”. Hopefully you take this all the way it’s meant and we stay cool, if not that’s your choice.

Goodnight everybody and hope you all have a better than average Friday. This fag needs some sleep now.